Your ideal man is just your best friend on a Tuesday.
The truth about modern dating standards usually hits you on a random weekday afternoon. You are sitting at a cafe when your best friend casually hands you your exact favorite coffee order and asks a thoughtful follow-up question about a stressful day you mentioned in passing three days ago. That level of emotional attentiveness and care is completely standard for your best friend. It is standard for the women in your circle. Yet, in the dating world, if a man exhibits this same level of basic emotional maturity and communicates well, he is suddenly elevated to a “rare 10/10 green flag”.
The “green flag” is bare minimum.
The internet recently sparked a massive, collective realization: the quote “A top-tier man is an average woman” perfectly captures how society expects the most basic things out of women yet remains incredibly lenient with men. We have completely skewed the grading rubric for human decency, setting the bar so low that basic adult functioning is treated like a spectacular achievement.
The parenting double standard.
Take caretaking and child-rearing, for example. Women are inherently expected to know how to manage a household and raise children—handling diaper changes, late-night feedings, and complex bedtime routines without missing a beat. It is treated as the baseline default. But when a father steps up to do the same parenting tasks, society applauds, labeling him an “extraordinary dad” for simply parenting his own children. We hold mothers to perfection while celebrating fathers for basic participation.
The workplace imbalance.
Double standards are equally prevalent in the workplace. In professional settings, women are frequently expected to effortlessly balance multiple high-stakes responsibilities. An “average” woman in her career juggles her full professional workload while also carrying domestic labor and family organization. Conversely, a man who handles basic professional responsibilities while also maintaining basic emotional intelligence, organizing his own life, or contributing marginally to workplace culture is often celebrated as an exceptional, “top-tier” colleague or leader.
You are not asking for too much.
When you step back and look at the broader picture—from the emotional attentiveness of everyday friendships to the vast disparities in caretaking, child-rearing, and workplace expectations—the conclusion is undeniable: “A top-tier man is just an average woman”.
If your standard for a romantic relationship is simply what your best friend does for you on a random Tuesday, or the level of baseline responsibility women carry daily in their homes and careers, you are not asking for too much. You are just asking for an equal playing field.
It is time we stop viewing basic emotional intelligence, domestic shared labor, and fundamental care as “top tier” traits and start recognizing them as the bare minimum for everyone.
